Franklin Graham Starts “Super-Group”

CHARLOTTE, NC (Associated Press) — Franklin Graham, son of famous Christian preacher Billy Graham, announced today he was forming a “super-group” with Jerry Falwell, Jr., and Franky Schaeffer.

“We will play exclusively Christian music, of course,” Graham said at a press conference in front of the huge barn that houses a museum in honour of his famous Christian father. “And that means country-and-western—or, as we prefer to call it, ‘sacred music.’ None of that disgusting and impurity-prompting jazz or flip-flop, that’s for sure.”

Graham indicated that Falwell, son of famous Christian preacher Jerry Falwell, will sing harmony and play rhythm guitar. “Jerry feels most comfortable when he can back up lead singers and players,” Graham explained.

Schaeffer, son of famous Christian author Francis Schaeffer, will be on drums. “Yeah,” Graham said with a smile, “Franky really likes to bash things. So he’s a natural drummer. We’ll tour with a full extra set of drums because we’re pretty sure Franky will eventually destroy whatever he’s working on.”

Graham himself will provide the lead vocals and play lead guitar, occasionally also playing lead harmonica and lead kazoo. “I like leading,” he said modestly, “and my leading both Samaritan’s Purse and the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association shows that I can easily and capably lead more than one thing at a time.”

The band currently is without a bassist. “Like every group, we need bass for gravity, for a certain weight and substance,” explained Graham, “and we just haven’t found anyone who can bring that to our group yet.”

Graham indicated that the nascent band had approached the son of famous Christian author Tony Campolo, but they found that Bart Campolo had devoted himself to the Renaissance sackbut repertoire. “That was quite a shock,” Graham allowed. “I’m kinda disturbed by the idea of him playing an instrument that slides around so much. I like a bit of pedal steel as much as the next guy, but nothing but sliding pitches? Where does that end up?”

As for the band’s name, Graham indicated that they would call themselves “The Sons of the Pioneers.” When another reporter indicated that that name was already in use by the Country Music Hall of Fame ensemble famous for “Tumblin’ Tumbleweeds,” “Ghost Riders in the Sky,” and many other hits, Graham—son of famous Christian preacher Billy Graham—just grinned and said, “Well, we clearly have no problem exploiting names made famous by other people, so I think we’ll stick with it.”